Lori's Poems: October 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cooking For One

"Cooking for One" is the name of my future cooking show and cookbook. It will feature dishes such as:

Frank and Bean
Creamed Pea
Mashed Potato

As well as other dishes, such as:
The Angry Italian
Male Chauvanist PIG in a Blanket

But that's another blog...

I did manage to write an introduction:

Cooking For One

I catch myself crying at unexpected times
Looking through old recipes
Passing ones I pulled because I thought you would like them.

I really thought I could make you stay
If I cooked the right food

I don't feel like cooking anymore
I don't have the energy
Though I should feel like cooking for myself

No one to cook for
What's the point
I can always just eat food out of a bag

I ate four bowls of cereal today
But I'm still hungry
I need nourishment

Which is why I was looking through old recipes
And thinking of the good times I had cooking for you

And now I'm cooking for one
BUT I'M NOT BITTER.

Copyright 2007. Lori Dominick

Why Do I Let You Get to Me?

Why do I let you get to me?

Dart throwin’
Beer Guzzlin’
White Trash
Hairnet Hon
HOMEWRECKER

Go talk to her

Why tell me these things
I cannot love you
I cannot take care of you
I cannot care about you

But I do care
I do worry
Now I can’t get to sleep

You broke my heart
I shouldn’t give a damn about your
Migraines
Doctor visits
Test results

Do you think you’re stressed?
Really.
Try running the world sometime

Copyright 2007. Lori Dominick

A Dangerous Game

I’m playing a dangerous game

Walking a thin line

Between infatuation and attraction

Bordering on psychotic

I could reel you in

I can feel it

It wouldn’t be hard

But it would be wrong

Taking advantage of a friend

Because I am tired of being alone

I extend an invitation and wait for you to accept

(I know you will)

I plot my next move

While pretending I’m not interested if you accept or not

Safer this way

Make it your idea

Make you make the first move

That way I don’t get hurt

If nothing happens, I’ve lost nothing

You are oblivious

We’re still friends

I’m still alone

This game I can play

I play it well

I’ve played it before

It’s what I know

But I can’t play it with you

You are at a disadvantage

You are not even aware that we are playing

A dangerous game

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Bullett is Gone

October 2007. While dealing with a separation and house that would not sell; my cat decided it was time to visit the great litter box in the sky.

Bullett is Gone

SUBMITTED TO CATFANCY ONLINE IN JANUARY 08

Bullett is gone, and

It is time
To say goodbye
To a good friend
Guardian
Constant companion
One who knew when I was hurting
One who asked for so little
One who gave so much

She fought to the very end

Grumbling and growling all the way
Until it was done
The medicine having coursed through her veins

I wrestle with guilt

Did I do the right thing
I killed my cat
I was merciful and put her out of her misery
I was selfish and put her out of my misery
I am so sorry

Sixteen years jumble into five small trash bags

Favorite toys
Litter boxes
Old towels that she sat on at the very end
Water dishes, bowls
I kept one of the bowls, her favorite
Maybe I will plant something in it
and remember her always.

Copyright 2007 Lori Dominick

I Feel

This one's a little embarrasing, but you suffered through the painful ones - so here you go:

September 2007 – a thought pops into my head that maybe, just maybe, a guy might be interested in me.

I Feel

I feel

I feel excitement
I feel happiness

I find myself smiling all day

I joke
I laugh
I am having a good time

I don’t feel

Like crying anymore

Part of me wants to keep this feeling

and fight the part of me
that is practical and realistic.

My head is in the clouds,

and a little voice is telling me I need
to clean,
to finish moving,
to pay bills.

But I want to savor this feeling that I have.

I haven’t felt it in a long time.

An overwhelming, all-powerful attraction to someone.

I smile when he leaves me a voice mail or calls on the phone.

I’ve started a competition over him,
but I want him.

What am I going to do?

This is all wrong.
He’s so nice and sweet and younger (3 years) and I must admit, lighter than I am.
Why do I feel this way?
Heaven help me.

It’s like high school all over again.

I don’t want to sleep.
I replay normal conversations in my head and try to read if there is anything in them.

I’ve lost my mind.

Completely.

The voice in my head says that this is all wrong.

It’s transferred feelings.
I am finally getting rid of an unhealthy part of my life,
Slowly extricating myself from a tangle of obligation, debt, responsibility
and I am latching on to the first single guy I meet.
He is too much like the other one

But the other voice says no—he’s not like the other one

But he is social as well as funny and smart.

But he is odd and absent minded

And why would he even be interested in me?
I am so fat!
And old!
And loud and bossy and maybe I drink too much.

But there is something in his eyes

and he is only a little taller than me
and I can stand face to face to him.
And I want to know more about him and get to know him better.

I think I will let myself enjoy this feeling for a while.

I’m not going to push it.
But I am checking my email after midnight to see if there is any chance in hell that he sent me an email.

I know the answer is no, but I still don’t care.

Even though this will never be…

I feel possibility.

Three Sages

January 2007. I made a visit to Green Mountain at Fox Run for a Mindfulness Retreat; and my first happy—OK—hopeful poem emerged.

Three Sages

Three sages wait

At the top of the mountain

Their roots are strong-

Their energy flows through them
They extend their energy to those
Around them.

We are broken

We are hurt
We are angry
We are unloved
We are tired
We have no energy

The sages say

Listen to your breathing

Listen to your heart
Listen to your body
Love your body for what you can do
Love yourself
Love others

We see sunlight and blue skies

And we say

We are healing