Voices

And for some reason, I keep falling for the wrong guys...

Voices

I am in love with a guy I cannot love 

It is wrong on so many levels
I cannot explain or control my feelings
I like talking to him
I like listening to him
I like looking into his eyes
I like his smile

Voices tell me this is wrong

He’s not right for you
You can do better
Anyone but him

My own voice says

I want a guy who wants me
I don’t want to make the first move

I put him behind me and yet
Here we are again
I can’t stop thinking about him
He sounded emphatic and I saw something in his eyes
And I felt butterflies in my stomach

How stupid

I’m reading too much into this
There is nothing there
No chemistry
He is not interested
He told me that before

It took EVERYTHING I had not to walk with him out the door

To the parking lot
To try to get some sort of sign
That he is interested

We keep winding up together at things

Partners because we don’t have partners
I don’t want someone because they are the only one there
But I want him
But I can’t go out with him
Because it’s wrong

I think if I had walked out that door with him

He might have said something I wanted to hear
It would be the booze
I hadn’t been drinking
He had

If I pursued him, he would be mine

By not pursuing him am I pursuing him?
Attracting him by pretending I’m not attracted to him
But listening to his every word
And telling him all about me

Am I crazy?

The voices the voices the voices

Listen to the voices

He’s weird

He’s smart

He’s odd

He’s funny

He’s flaky

He’s not right for you

Go out and see if he likes you
You can do better
You cannot reel him in
You cannot date him
He is too much like the other one
You will be doing one hundred percent of the work

If he asked you out would you say yes?

Yes
Yes
I would

What is wrong with me?

By telling me to call him, is he making a move-

Trying to say that he WANTS ME to call him
And then he leaves
He drives me crazy.

This is stupid

I miss my exit thinking about him

I can’t sleep

I am starved for love and affection

Affirmation
I would consume him in flames
and leave nothing but a charred shell.
Not fair to him

I would feel validation

Warmth, caring
Then I would move on
To do better
To date someone that is more open,
More sharing, more confident

And having reached out

And reeled in one that was not interested,

I would leave him with nothing
Not fair

The voices the voices the voices

Listen to your own voice
You cannot date him
He’s weird
He’s odd
He’s flaky
He deserves better
You are not right for him

Copyright 2008.  Lori Dominick