Grasping at Small Slivers

Another variant on "Small Slivers".  Trying to make something out of nothing in a relationship.

Grasping at Small Slivers

I steal small slivers of domestic life

Cooking, cleaning, helping with projects

Morning coffee

Hugs

I like the way our arms fit together stretched out
mine on the inside

Yours on the outside
your hand over mine
Protecting me
I feel safe, comforted

For brief moments, I want to believe

This is real, lasting, permanent

Yet, as always,

Other plans interfere;

One of us has to leave

I remind myself that this is what we agreed on

I’m not sure why I steal these slivers

Holding them close

Trying to piece together

Something whole from our relationship

That doesn’t work on so many levels

I take those jagged pieces

Of “normalcy”

Pieces of domestic bliss

If I can collect enough

I can pretend that we have something real

But when you piece something together

There are fracture lines, cracks

Missing pieces

And what you think is whole

Is not.

11/28/13 Lori Dominick

It's Probably Nothing

~ I wrote this in March 2012, it seems fitting to post it for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   It's based on something that I went through, but everything is OK~

It's Probably Nothing

It’s something small, she said

The only indication that something is there in my body

Something that doesn’t belong there
But they can’t discuss it with you               

You get a letter       
This needs to be checked in six months

You put it out of your head

Six months later you finally make another appointment

It’s not so scary this time. 

You’ve seen the moon craters and spider webs from the x-ray
and the ocean waves of the sonogram.

But it’s still there.
They won’t tell you what it is.
You resolve to put it out of your mind
There is nothing you can do
And you go to hear some music
Take your mind off things

And this picture behind the musician
looks like a giant breast
With a purple splotch
Where the techs keep looking

She tells you not to move after she takes the x-ray
You are trapped anyway
Where would you go?

You try to have a good attitude
It’s nothing.

But you fear deep down that you are going to have to deal with this.
What armor can protect you?
What shield?
It’s inside you.

Small Slivers

When a relationship isn't working, and yet, you keep trying to make it work.  By holding on to small parts of the relationship and pretending it's enough. 

Small Slivers

I steal small slivers of domestic life

Cooking, cleaning, helping with projects

Morning coffee

Hugs

I like the way our arms fit together stretched out
mine on the inside

Yours on the outside
your hand over mine
Protecting me
I feel safe, comforted

For brief moments, I want to believe

This is real, lasting, permanent

Yet, as always,

Other plans interfere;

One of us has to leave

We need our space

We are free to do what we want

We can see who we want

We make our own plans

I remind myself that this is what we agreed on

I’m not sure why I steal these slivers

And hold them close

When they break my heart

Copyright 2013.  Lori Dominick 

Sea of Faces

(Sometimes, I find old poems that I forgot about.  I think this one was in an old memo pad)

Everywhere I look
I see happy couples
People together
And I think about you
And how nice it would be
If we were still together

Is it you that I miss?

Or do I just miss the security
Of always having someone
To be with
To talk to
To share

Every day I survey a sea of faces
And no one looks back

Sometimes a familiar face looks out
But it is not the same

A nod, a wave
A quick Hello
Chit chat

Pre-ordained rules
It is my job to be nice
Smile, wave
Chit chat

No deep connection or meaning
Bobbing along the surface
It's pleasant enough
Helps pass time

I understand how easy it is to feel alone
In a room full of people

And why couples who break up
Keep trying to get back together
Though it makes them miserable

And I keep searching the sea of faces
And wonder if anyone will ever look back.

Copyright 2008.  Lori Dominick

Knowing

(Sometimes, dating isn't fun...)

In your heart, you know this one is wrong
He’s nice enough
Cute, funny, smart
Generous

But something isn’t right

At first, you dismiss it
Then you question it
You try to accept it
But you can’t

It comes creeping out late at night

When you are alone
With no one around to explain it away
Or justify it
And you can’t accept it anymore

So you end it

Your heart HURTS
Even though you are making the right decision
Why does your heart hurt so much?
Your heart knows this had to be done.

You wish he wasn’t so nice, so cute,

So funny, so smart
So generous
It would make things easier.

Copyright 2011.  Lori Dominick

The Commander

You live on a boat so you can be the captain
Whatever you say goes.
You use technology to control everything on the boat
A robot vacuums what little floor space you have
At a set specific time
Everything from lights to music is programmed
A voice tells you what time it is, when the sunset is,
what the weather is like
The monitors display how much energy you are using
You want to have dominion over everything in your life
Including relationships
Yet you are skittish about spiders
And lightning
and things you can't control

Copyright 2011.  Lori Dominick

The Boat

(There's a reason why people refer to boats as "she"...)

He bought the boat for a few reasons

To save money
To be closer to work
But more importantly,
It was always something he wanted to do
And lately,
He’s been doing everything he’s wanted to do
Free of commitment
Free of complications
On the boat, he can keep his distance
It’s obvious that it is all about the boat
There is only one mistress.

But the boat has a mind of her own

As all boats do
If he doesn’t tie her down, she will float away
He has to buy new ropes
She will bump into the piers and other boats
He has to buy new floats
He thinks he is controlling her,
But his time is consumed with taking care of her
If he doesn’t treat her gently
She will break all of his dishes
(An accident of course
Caused by another boat’s wake)

Things that aren’t secured

Are lost in the water
She doesn’t like her dock
He looks for another
If he’s away too long
He worries; what will she have done?
Corroded spark plugs?
Clogged plumbing?
He buys more things
Gives her a new name
Even holds a half-hearted naming ceremony
Praying to a god he doesn’t believe in

You shouldn’t mock Poseidon

She knows this
But he is trying
They go out on the water
She is free of her moorings
For all too-brief moments
She is free on the water

Copyright 2011.  Lori Dominick